The Size of Texas.....

People are always referring to things "the size of Texas."
We had a hamburger the size of Texas, he's got arms the size of Texas, etc. Well when I moved to Texas several people told me about the bugs in Texas....said they were big, and plenty of them! Well, to anyone who knows me, knows I HATE bugs....so I am always on guard here. Anyway, I have noticed lately in the mornings on my walk/run there have been more and more grasshoppers jumping around. They have been the smaller brown ones, really not that big of deal, I can handle these little creatures (I'm getting better in my old age)....but lately the big boys are out! Big green ones, they don't hop, they fly, and dive. These suckers are making me a little nervous every morning....I do NOT want one flying at me, looking at me, landing on me, well, you get the picture. So the other morning, in front of Tom Thumb's (local chain grocery store)you guessed it....one darts right at me! Actually hits me in the waist, now I am jogging, and all of a sudden I am attacked! So now I am screaming and jumping and shaking my t-shirt (ready to strip down if I have to) and it jumps off. After gaining my senses, I look around praying that no one has seen this spectacle I have made of myself...whew, I think I'm in the clear, oh, wait, not one, not two, but a truck load of Hispanic gardeners working on the grounds are all staring at me...they are not laughing. They look sympathetic actually...I will not make eye contact..just keep moving. I doubt that they even saw the grasshopper the size of Texas, I'm sure they think I have Tourettes or something...anyway, when they say grasshoppers the size of Texas that's what they mean!